This is me.
This is me hiding in a corner most of the time, quiet, reserved, physically present but mentally somewhere else, never making eye contact to anyone, this is me doing the same thing over and over again, tucking myself inside a safety cocoon.
This is me, messy, wild and constantly looking for love that’s never within my reach.
This is me trying my best to go beyond my comfort zone but always ending up in the same place anyway.
This is me proving my worth to everyone, only to find out how numerous my faults are.
This is me growing up, trying everyday to figure out what would be the right thing to do. Yes, I decide and do what is right but that doesn’t mean I stop doing what is wrong.
This is me, full of flaws, lost in the dark, living in shame, wasting away. This is me, this is what’s most of me. But it comes to my mind too, that all of these things, is what makes me who I am now.
The ugly and the worthless side of me, make me even more than just a person who has a bad side. I guess you can’t really see a person’s beauty when you don’t know what is ugly. You can’t just tell how dirty a person’s heart is if you’ve never known the story behind it or if you’ve never known what comprises a pure heart.
I don’t know if I’m making a point really, it’s just that if I didn’t embrace that side of me, I wouldn’t be so much better now, I wouldn’t be able to tell any difference in me, I wouldn’t be able to choose wisely now. I guess accepting the real part of me made me not blind anymore, it made the numbness start to fade again. It made the feelings come rushing back especially the good ones.
It knocked me off my feet thinking that even if I am a person made of dark secrets, even if pain is buried deep in me, even if I have tons of wild and dangerous thoughts every second of everyday, I can still be of worth. We can still be worthy of something, of anything. You and me still deserve to receive a love that’s so faithful and true.
And that we can all be beautiful even if we’re just a silhouette from a breathtaking sunset.